Some Old, Something New, Something Borrowed and Some Damn Good Advice!

I was having this conversation with a dear friend about getting married. Marriage is God’s arrangement for men and women. It’s as natural as breathing air. In the modern day society and Western culture, we glamorize married as a display of wealth and beauty. Hollywood surely doesn’t take marriage seriously. The tabloids ooze with stories of infidelity and 72 hour marriages. One can’t help but think that this is indeed a game of love and seduction.  

 

My friend’s problem:  She mentioned to me that one of her friends is getting married and the future bride and groom are truly one big joke! She doesn’t fully support the union and doesn’t want to be in the wedding.  The relationship is drowning in problems and despite the protest of friends and family, they insist on getting married next year.  Maybe if they really look at themselves and review their overall relationship, they would be able to clearly see what the problems are. I think every couple should seek counseling prior to getting married. And this couple really need a helping hand. My question to my friend was, “Did they really think the relationship through?”

 

But in reality, do “normal” people really think things through before they transition into the world of marital bliss? Here are some things that should be at the top of your conversation list with the bride or groom to be:

1.      Have we secured a place to live that we both like?

2.      Are we financially able to provide for each other? (Yes! I said each other. The economy is failing and this is a valid issue.)

3.      What are our plans for a family? (Just because you are married doesn’t mean you need or should have children. Some couples are not on the same page with this topic. It is vital to practice family planning and utilize the tools (i.e. birth control) until both parties are ready to be parents.)

4.      What is his/her level of love for me? (When I say level, I mean degree of love. How high or how low will he/she go for you? Will this person be willing to take care of you in your old age? A good gauge is to see how this person behaves around children and elderly people. Trust me on this one!)

5.      Does the opinion of others (ex. Parents, friends, etc..) effect our relationship?

 What are some reasons why two people shouldn’t be married?

 

1.      A history of violence.

 

Violence is a very serious topic. Countless women and men are killed everyday due to domestic violence. But the fact that the other person knew that he/she was “ heavy handed” prior to marriage is what is most confusing. If you are aware of this person’s past or they have been violent with you, there is no reason to think that this behavior will change. Look at it this way, bad grass doesn’t die, but it chokes out everything around it. You’re not the exception to the rule.

 

2.      Lack of finance.

 

Love doesn’t pay the bills. Most people aren’t rich but it does take financial means to run a household. And the lack of money can cause marital problems down the road. A woman should never assume that her future husband doesn’t want her to work. That is a serious decision and should be discussed and weighed out with the pros and cons. The same goes for a man (some men don’t want to work but ladies PLEASE stay away from the unemployed men…they are never an option).

 

3.      Not fully supporting each other.

 

This not only involves money but emotional support, spiritual support and physical support. If a person isn’t standing by your side during the courtship, what would make you think he/she will after the wedding? Emotional, physical and spiritual support are free and should come easy the man/woman who really loves you. If the person is begging off when it comes to supporting you then it’s probably not a wise idea to marry them.

 

4.      Not willing to make positive changes for each other.

 

Fact is, as married people your lives will always be changing. Being flexible is key. If the woman is not worth you looking for a better job, then you probably shouldn’t ruin her life with your last name..LOL

Being “in love” is usually the reason why people tie the knot. But there are many more reasons why people everyday are making such a big step.

 

1.      Convenience

 

The excuse of knowing a person all my life comes into play. I don’t want to date someone new or being too lazy to try. But in the back of your mind you know it won’t last. Remember, everything that glitters isn’t always gold.

 

2.      Money

 

Perhaps one the parties involved comes from a family of wealth and means and the other person views this union as an opportunity to work less (or not at all) and have security.

 

3.      Children

Many couples have children that were born out of their relationship, and as parents both parties want what’s best for the child(ren). Instead of thinking about 20 years from now when Junior has grown up and no longer lives in the house, you’re main focus is on the here and now. My theory is if the love just isn’t there, then why complicate the situation with a license to drive each other crazy?!

 

Life just simply isn’t a fairytale. Things don’t ever go as we plan. Using common sense and caution is very important in making this very serious and life changing decision. Remember, you have made a vow before God that you will be with this person forever (death or the end of the world), this man/woman is your mate for life. Damn! I get scared saying that..LOL

 

Good Luck!

 

 

 

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Human relationships are a funny thing. Everyone is different in their own special way. As people, we have traits that make us loveable and traits that make us hated, either way we’re all very different.

But what’s to be said for those people who we just simply can’t stand the sight of? And why as people can’t we all just get along? This blog isn’t a quote from some book or webpage, it’s simply from my POV.

I think everyone has something that they love about themselves (trait, looks, talent, etc..) but we all have something about ourselves that we don’t like. Whether or not we can or want to change it is something different. At times I wonder, if other people can see the nagging, over dramatic, judgmental person that I really am. And if they can see that, does that make them dislike me, or better yet can’t stand the sight of me? Or does my positive qualities outweigh my negative side?

I feel that an individual’s past or current life can be a large factor in why they behave the way that they do. We all know at least one Bitter Betty or Debbie Downer. These people seem to be less likely to have friends, a spouse or maybe even a family.  They always lead the pack of other miserable people like them or they are always alone (but mostly misery loves company). These people have a tendency to make the lives of others miserable. The people that tend to be “happy” or “upbeat” seem to always be their prime victims.

But I think there is nothing worse than having to work with, be in a relationship with, or friends with a person like this.

The Co-Worker: Venomous, Hateful, Wakes up cross, Comes into work and puts forth a extra special effort to rain on the parade for everyone 

 

What This Person Typically Does: This is a very special case. This is a person who is downright UNHAPPY! They are either control freaks, have lost control, can’t handle being told NO, has no life of their own or scoffs at the happiness and success of others. This person is most likely always the ringleader of foolishness, lies and rumors in the office. They get a fix from simply “stirring the pot”. The fact that they created a mountain out of a mole hill makes them feel victorious and in control. Why?? Because they are in control of something! They may not be in control of their homes, marriages, children, money, habits, friends, etc.. but they are in control of wicked behavior and making others feel small. So in essence, this person is a situation starter who is a grown up version of a BULLY!

 

The Spouse: Nagging, Bitter, Lacks the ability to let the past go, Has no team player skills, Uncooperative, Selfish, Self Centered, Loves to blame others

 

Wakes up looking for ways to make their spouse miserable. Tends to waste time arguing over trivial matters but never focuses on real issues (probably because he/she or is at fault). Finds him/herself complaining to friends or family member about how bad the relationship is instead of working on fixing the problems. This kind of man or woman almost always blames the other person for their lack of success or abundant failures (IT’S YOUR DAMN FAULT!!) This phrase is thrown around far more than thanks babe. Ask useless questions about past relationships or still communicates with his/her old flames. When a task that involves both parties, there is little or no motivation to assist. For example, the wife goes grocery shopping (the husband benefits from this food) and the husband makes no effort to help take bags out of the car or doesn’t help put the food away. This man clearly lacks the motivation to cooperate with his wife.

 

The Friend: Hater, Dream Stealer, Situation Starter, Carry the Bone within conflicting issues, Loves to see you down, Posted and waiting for your weakest Moment

 

What This Person Typically Does: This kind of person is different and truly a confused soul. They can party and have a good time with you, sit and cry with you and within the same breath go behind your back and run your good name through the mud! Even at times will turn other people against you just for the hell of it. Hates to see you happy and will intentionally throw in a cliffhanger when you mention your good luck (ex: Girl, I heard he was gay). These kind of people lack the ability to be happy for other because they are so unhappy and can’t stand to see others succeed. Crab in the bucket syndrome.

 

 

How Can I Deal With These People??

 

Simply ignore them! Why allow a miserable person to rent space in your head and heart? The more you associate with this type of person the more likely you are to become just like them. You may be asking yourself, how is it possible to distance myself from the negative co-worker, spouse and friend? Here’s how to grab the bull by the horns!

 

The Co-Worker: Because we don’t live in a perfect world and the thorn in your side isn’t just magically removed, you’re going to have to face the problem head on. Fight fire with fire. When I say this by no means do I mean stoop to their level. If this person is causing problems (that involve you directly) approach them. I’ve seen this approach go nowhere fast. And when your positive efforts are ignored and the problems persist, don’t be afraid to take it upper management. After all, this is how you pay your bills. This person most likely will always keep their job and will play the victim when questioned about their behavior. State the facts and explain how their behavior effects your ability to perform your duties at work. Companies don’t care about your emotional state of mind. And frankly, nobody really cares about “hurt feelings”. Feelings don’t factor in at the end of the day. Just stay professional and this person will soon become a non-factor.

 

The Friend: Simply put, with friends like this, who the heck needs enemies?! You can always find another friend. Drop this person like a bad habit. If they can’t be happy for you and with you, then why do you need them around? However, I don’t mean a friend who keeps it real, because there is indeed a difference. A friend who is honest with you even when it hurts is a keeper. For example, you’re out shopping and trying on clothes, you think this dress looks stunning on you but in reality you look like a bag of nickels. Your friend kindly says, “Girl, this is not for you!”. Don’t come out of a bag on her. She’s doing you a favor and saving you from a lot of ugly looks from men at the club..LOL..but seriously. You don’t need an entourage of negative energy around you just to say that you have “friends”.  Learn to fly solo. If you aren’t happy alone then you can’t be happy with others. Period!

 

The Spouse: Love is a funny thing. When your heart is involved, the last thing on your mind is a breakup. So why encourage that? Sit and talk with your mate. Explain how their lack of input and  help effects your everyday life. If your mate doesn’t feel your grievance is valid then you might have to make a choice. Sadly enough, you can’t live your life with a person who is never on the same page as you. If you feel like you’re moving upward and they are moving backward, you might need to evaluate your relationship and the likely hood of things changing for the better. Life is clearly about advancement and your spouse should be on the same page as you. If he/she truly loves you, then the changes should be easy. Just stick it out and approach the situation with a plan.

 

 

 

The Verdict

It’s time for a new post..

 

So I want to discuss some things that have been going on lately. For anyone who knows me you know that I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. But something’s don’t make sense and should be stopped in the their tracks.

 

I’ve been broken up with my ex for over a year now, and I can honestly say I’m over it. I’ve made peace with the whole situation sleep very well knowing I did the right thing. But I’m guessing he doesn’t feel the same way. He called in the wee hours of the morning last week crying his eyes out about how he’s sorry for causing me so much pain and heartache. He wanted to know if I think about him and if I miss him. We I said oh ok in regards to him being sorry (yes, this clown is a sorry excuse for a man), but as far as missing him goes, no I don’t. He’s married now, and should be over the moon happy. But he admits that he’s not. I explained that I work every day and need my rest, so I hung up the phone and went to sleep. He called again on Sunday with the same crying but tried to throw the conversation into something sexual so I had to shut his DOWN! No sir, we won’t go there! You made your choice so deal with it.

 

My issue is that men have a bad habit of treating women who love and care for them badly. Finding another woman doesn’t change what you’ve done. Refusal to correct your problems doesn’t change it either. It’s best just try to make things right. Even if that means clearing the air with the person in your past and moving on, or trying to make that relationship work. Either way you will have peace. But I don’t understand the logic in jumping into a brand new relationship with someone else and creating more hurt feelings because you are mentally cheating on them.

 

Don’t have guilt to begin with. Do right by others. It makes it easy on your heart and on your future choices. You are able to go into relationships with a clear mind knowing you did the best you could.

Yes...The Lights Have To Go Out Sometimes

Facebook has a way of keeping people connected and in a way it’s really neat. I read a post from an old friend that put me into mind of a very happy, exciting and distracting time in my life. True, it wasn’t that long ago but it feels like forever! This is just a little bit of my past story. Mostly about times i wish i could get back. Not crying over spilled milk, just getting it off my chest i guess. This isn't everything in complete details, just enough info to get my point across.

About 3 years ago my life was very different. I was introduced to a social group that changed my life forever. No matter how old I get I’ll never forget these people (some of which I love dearly and some I completely can’t stand)..LOL. I learned how not to look at the physical and to focus on the person on the inside. I spent countless weekends, days and nights with these people and they became my family. I learned what men “really” want and how keep them happy (well some of them..ugh). I built friendships that would last my whole life! The beauty of it is that I began to get out of a social box and broaden my horizons. I learned to be human and have fun.

We socialized in a club and party atmosphere. And I looked forward to this every weekend. But I was just asking myself, why did the good times have to end? And as I  look back, I feel like I allowed relationships and love to take over my life. Not a positive way, but a negative way. My boyfriend and I at the time were some of the DJ’s at the club in Southwest Houston. We met each other through a mutual friend. He was helping me move from the Southside to the Northside of town. He came to my house and promised that had a box truck. Dude showed up in a pickup truck. I cussed him out and sent him on his way. LOL..oddly enough after the hassle of moving was over and I was settled into my new apartment. I thought about how sexy he was. And how cut his body was..LOL.. So I called him up and he came over. I don’t think I was looking for a boyfriend and to be honest I’m not sure what we really were but it was fun. I found out that he worked at the club my friend was always inviting me to. So one weekend I decide to go out and I found out that he was a DJ. I thought it was the coolest job ever! So he taught me how. I started going out every weekend. I met so many wonderful people and had so much fun. I could be myself and that was all that mattered. Over time, I met other guys and dated around a bit. But they always made me feel like I was a Queen. And I claimed it and loved it. My boyfriend was always a little jealous and that was fun. ~ Every Woman Needs A Jealous Boyfriend~

But I really think the negative thing that happened to me was the fact that I met this guy who claimed to have been really into me. I don’t think I ever noticed it because he wasn’t really my type. We dated for awhile and next thing I know we living together. He wasn’t the good kind of jealous. Every element of my life changed and he hated my friends. He hated the club (which happens to be where he met me). He wanted me to stay home. So for the sake of my relationship, I did. I stopped going out and started blowing money at the casinos in Louisiana. He ended up NOT being the right guy and after a whole year of complete sadness and misery it was over. I looked around me and I had shunned all my friends. I didn’t even know where the handout spots were at and I had lost my “hot girl” status. So to fix it all, I backed away from everything completely. To be honest, I’m just learning how to dress for a party again. Yes, I stopped be youthful and happy for a man. Dumb, but I’m not alone I’m sure. I can’t take it back but hey, things happen for a reason.

Since then the scene changed a bit. People found better things to do, or the clubs changed owners and things aren’t the same. The same parties still go down but surely not like they used to. I work so I can’t party like I used to. Hey I’m 27 and getting old and tired. LOL

Reflection

I feel that I reflection is cleansing and therapeutic. This time of year, my reflect is focused on my Mother. I’ve been down and out lately and I’ve been blaming it on other things but I know why I am and I feel if release a little stress and steam, I might feel better.  You know, we take for granted what we have access to every day. But just for a minute while you read this blog, imagine that your Mother who you just talked to hours ago, and never missed a day with, just wasn’t there anymore.  

When I was growing up, the only thing I ever remember wishing I had was my Mom. It was a desire that burned into my soul and when my wish came true, it was the best feeling ever! The big factor in all this was that my Mom had never been around when I was growing up. She suffered with drug addiction and after much effort and 6 years in prison, she got her life on track! She had a decent job, she bought a brand new car, she even found a nice little house to rent. My two youngest brothers and my step-father were there and we were happy. My mother moved to Houston to be near me. We lived five minutes away from each other. My Mom taught me a lot. She taught me to survive. She made an impression on everyone she met. He house became a haven for friends and strangers alike. They knew they could get a hot meal and a good cusin’ out if they needed. I’ve witness my Mom take in a sick friend and care for him for free! She worked so hard everyday. She wanted to give her family the best life possible. And that was her drive. She couldn’t help it. It was just who and what she was.

Sadly, her new life only lasted for three years.  One Saturday afternoon, ended it all. She was home after working a 12 hour shift and suffering with  a headache that wouldn’t quit. She took a bath and never made it to her bed. I found my Mom on the floor that evening around 4:00pm. Her bed was still made.  She couldn’t talk and was in a coma. She had a massive stroke to the left side of the brain five days before my 24^th birthday. I felt like the whole world crashed down on me, that someone had knocked the breath out of my lungs. It was extreme! I found myself staring in the face of release forms for Life Support, and a doctor who was telling me that her brain was no longer responding and her heart wasn’t beating on its own. And that the only thing I ever wanted and needed was DYING!! Every stroke of the pen hurt. I didn’t want to be the one that gave written consent that it was OK to say that my beautiful, strong Mother has taken her last breath. And that she can be declared DEAD, DECEASED, IS NOT ALIVE, I didn’t want to walk that road. And if I had an option, I would have gotten my belongings, got in my car, drove home, sank in bed, and started May 24^th all over again. Maybe it would have happened, maybe I could have gotten her to the hospital in time. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to sign those ridiculous papers. Maybe should would have lived past 47 years old. Maybe we would have had her 50^th birthday party at a hotel and the theme would have been Over the Hill. Just maybe. But I guess God said that she had suffered enough. My Mom lived through a lot of hurt and pain. 47 years of heartache, but only three of those years she was able to enjoy life and be with her children and grandchild.  

 I was here, in Houston, all alone. My whole life, crumbled apart. I was upset and angry with God for allowing this to happen. My question was, “Why me?”

I can remember a few weeks after the funeral, really allowing reality to sink in. I woke up one day in absolute horror. I was really alone! There was nobody else in the world who loved me like my Mom did. Nobody understood me like she did. Who would I talk to when I had a problem? Where would the hugs come from? Who would tell me how proud they were of me? The worse part of it all was the fact that I couldn’t pick up the phone and hear her voice. I called her and got her voicemail. Needless to say, I paid her phone bill for a while just to hear her voice on the voicemail message. Then I remember a phase I went through that was just awful. All I did was cry. I would cry at work, I would cry on my way home, I would cry if I saw a movie and someone died. I was a wreck. Just thinking about it now, while I’m writing this blog is making me cry.

I really felt like I’ve changed over the years. I don’t know if I’ve changed in a good way or a bad way. But it’s made me grow up. I’ve become a devoted Mother, and I try to be there for my daughter always. I make sure I let her know just how blessed she truly is. She knows her parents and spends every day of her life with us both. We care about her education and wellbeing. She doesn’t have to wish she could get a hug. She is very loved. And her understanding and appreciating the blessings she has means the world to me.

But it’s been three years, and I’m approaching my 27^th birthday tomorrow. I’m still grieving. I want to be over it, but I don’t think I ever will. From time to time I get angry with my Mom. And I think it’s for no real reason, and I seriously hate that I feel that way. People don’t die because they have nothing else better to do. I know that she didn’t want to go, I know that she didn’t even know that she was really that sick. It took us all by surprise.  I know this is going to sound crazy and morbid, but I anticipate seeing my Mother again more than I anticipate my wedding. I can imagine being in heaven and turning around and seeing my Mom smile! I would probably be so excited I don’t know what I would do! J

Rest In Peace Karen Williams



This blog is dedicated to an Angel who was given her wings too soon.

Sunrise – December 12, 1964

Sunset – May 26, 2009

Yes..Honesty Is The Best Policy

I guess it’s difficult to be 100% about everything. Something’s are private and should be keep to one’s self. But does to same rule apply in dating?

It should! Speaking from my own experience, I’ve went on dates with the mind set of keeping it real and being upfront and honest. I think it’s easy for a man to hide facts about himself when the woman he’s dating doesn’t know him personally. For example, it’s easier to fudge on the truth when you’ve met a person on a dating website. She doesn’t know the real you and only knows what you are telling her. But dating a woman who knows you through a friend or is your friend is a lot different. The mutual friend knows your marital status, who your parents are, how many kids you have or if you have a job or not. Whereas the blind date is just what the date is called, BLIND!! Blind to your personal truths and won’t ever know the real man/woman you are. Unless the policy of honesty is taken serious.

I don’t think many people factor in the “what if”. What if the relationship gets serious? What if she/he see’s your Facebook, Twitter or other social network page? Truth has a funny way of coming out, even when we thought it was buried away and forgotten.

I had this happen to me about three years ago. I met this guy on a Christian Singles website. He was an Engineer who happened to be Haitian like my father. In fact, he knew my family! I thought it was perfect! We had discussed our situations and intentions. He was single and lived with his family. And had no children and had never been married. Needless to say, I was very excited about this date. A few weeks went by and we decided to go out to dinner near my house. The first date was wonderful, we sat and talked for hours. I had the feeling that this guy had to be the one!

About a month later we added each other on Facebook. I was looking at his photo albums and got the shock of my life! This dude had a picture standing near a door with a little boy who was ugly just like him and he was wearing a wedding ring! I could dial his number fast enough! I asked him about the picture. He got silent and had the nerve to say, “I thought I had those pictures private.” I wanted to hang up the phone but I wanted him to explain why. Why he couldn’t tell me the truth prior to going out with him. He said that he was indeed married and he and his wife were separated. She was in Florida with the little boy. He didn’t want to be married anymore and felt that if he found someone new, he would have an excuse to divorce her. He gave some sob story about her sleeping with his cousin. Blah, Blah, Blah… I asked him why would you deny your son? That’s horrible! He said that he felt if I knew the truth, I wouldn’t have went out with him. He would have been right. But I was blown away by the fact that I wasn’t even given that choice! I told him that I was glad that I found out the truth because now I had the choice to leave him alone..which I did!

He was upset and I was beyond pissed because he took me for a fool. I could never be stupid for anyone! That’s just not my thing.

If people really think before they lie, they would see that it hurts only them. After the person finds out truth, hopefully, they can move on with their lives. But the liar is stuck dealing with the fact that they don’t have the courage to tell the whole truth. It’s sad. But if you are really dating with good intentions, doesn’t it make sense to be upfront? Factor in the “What If”. Do you really want to be known as a lying dog? If your situation is jacked up, fix it and then date. Or if it’s a situation you can’t fix, be honest with yourself and others about it. Maybe that person is willing to deal with your truths and could possibly work with you to fix the situation. But a liar will never know that.

I am a 26 (about to be 27) year old single mom with a great job and a very simple life. No frills, just really basic. Believe it or not I like the no frills approach.

My life has evolved over the years and I’ve learned some very valuable lessons about friendship, love and life in general. I’m not the most optimistic person and that’s not really my fault. I think it has a lot to do with my past and with taking strides to look beyond it. In all honesty, I can be a bit cynical. Over positive people can be refreshing but I can’t be around them too long with wanting to scream..LOL I have this thing with people that aren’t tapped into reality. It drives me up the wall!!! But to each his own. I’m somewhere in between and my point of view has no room for rose colored glasses. So let’s just keep it real.

This blog is a bit of a diary and therapy for me. Life is a journey with lots of twist and turns. Granted, we are all imperfect and have flaws. So more than others. But the best way to change is to recognize the flaw, work to make the changes and keep on going. It’s life, we can’t help that. I personally have never been Miss Perfection like some people. I don’t want to be Miss Perfection because I feel my imperfections make me who I am. Yes, I do need to make some changes. Nothing major, just some lifestyle changes. But I guess everyone does.

But I really I want to discuss the pitfalls in dating. Broad subject I know. But this is from my personal perspective. I’m in my late 20’s (God! It really hurt to say that..LOL) so I’ve dated all sorts, just never out of my race but I’m working on that. Throughout the years, I’ve dated men as young as 22 and as old as 44. Every man is different, but some things never change. I can’t speak for all black men, but for the most part the issues remain the same. Too many kids and “baby mama’s”, no job, criminal history, drug user, lack of commitment, no drive, chronic liar, honey…the list goes on and on!!!

But the thing that burns me up the most is the fact that being honest is probably one of the worst problems they face.

                                                      The Advice

Here’s a bit of advice for the brothers out there who refuse to hang up their “Players Card”

 If you can tell lie without blinking, something is very wrong. Lying about marital status, how many kids you have, how much money you make, where you work or who you live with are all unnecessary lies and you’re wasting the woman’s time. If you aren’t interested in the woman just say it! Don’t make up excuses for why you can’t go out, or have the woman waiting around for you. Time is money! Fact is, she could just as simply be out with someone else instead of you! Trust, you’re not her only option.

Being cheap is another road block to love. I feel that the cost for dating is expensive. But if she’s worth it, you shouldn't try to avoid spending money. If two people are consistently dating (and I stress “consistently”) it should be understood that taking turns on paying for the dates is fair. But if you’re a brother who doesn’t work, and you know you’re broke as Cooter Brown..PLEASE DO NOT ASK A WOMAN OUT!!!! Don’t offer to take her out and expect her to spend her money on you. 99.9% of the time, she’s going to leave you standing there. I’ve done it before..so believe it..it can happen to you. I think some men have a lot of nerve to contact a lady (a working woman at that) to ask her to go out and not have any money. Trippin’!!!!

Let’s talk about kids. I have a seven year old daughter and no I’ve never been married, so yes, I have a “baby daddy”. But the difference is that he’s like my best friend. We hangout and do things with our kid together. I want him to be happy cause he’s a great guy. Just not the great guy for me. So I can honestly say that I’m blessed beyond comprehension. But some people aren’t in that kind of situation. I’ve heard stories of men and women who have messed up dramatic baby daddy/mama situations. But I think it’s unfair for a person who knows that their ex is crazy as hell to complicate another person’s life with their bad choice. I recently went out with a man who has multiple kids and multiple baby mama’s. I want to know why he chose to have all those kids and not have ever married either woman. He never gave a real explanation. I don’t think people consider their future when they make those kind of choices. Don’t get me wrong, children are a blessing. But the failure is in who you choose to have them with. Multiple women and one man will NEVER work. Everyone is fighting for the attention of that one man.  And the icing on the cake is the new lady in his life is stuck hanging in the balance trying to find out where she fits in. Unfair.com

                             Bringing It All Together

                       

With my own analyses, I’m understanding what I don’t want to deal with in my relationships. I’m not as mellow as some woman are but I do demand the person to step correct. I have love to give and I don’t want to waste my time with drama and lies.  I pride myself on living a drama free life and I know that no one has a perfect life but at least iron out the issues then seek a mate. Don’t welcome happiness into your misery.