I guess
it’s difficult to be 100% about everything. Something’s are private and should be
keep to one’s self. But does to same rule apply in dating?
It
should! Speaking from my own experience, I’ve went on dates with the mind set
of keeping it real and being upfront and honest. I think it’s easy for a man to
hide facts about himself when the woman he’s dating doesn’t know him personally.
For example, it’s easier to fudge on the truth when you’ve met a person on a
dating website. She doesn’t know the real you and only knows what you are
telling her. But dating a woman who knows you through a friend or is your
friend is a lot different. The mutual friend knows your marital status, who
your parents are, how many kids you have or if you have a job or not. Whereas
the blind date is just what the date is called, BLIND!! Blind to your personal truths
and won’t ever know the real man/woman you are. Unless the policy of honesty is
taken serious.
I don’t
think many people factor in the “what if”. What if the relationship gets
serious? What if she/he see’s your Facebook, Twitter or other social network page?
Truth has a funny way of coming out, even when we thought it was buried away
and forgotten.
I had
this happen to me about three years ago. I met this guy on a Christian Singles
website. He was an Engineer who happened to be Haitian like my father. In fact,
he knew my family! I thought it was perfect! We had discussed our situations and
intentions. He was single and lived with his family. And had no children and
had never been married. Needless to say, I was very excited about this date. A
few weeks went by and we decided to go out to dinner near my house. The first
date was wonderful, we sat and talked for hours. I had the feeling that this guy
had to be the one!
About a
month later we added each other on Facebook. I was looking at his photo albums
and got the shock of my life! This dude had a picture standing near a door with
a little boy who was ugly just like him and he was wearing a wedding ring! I
could dial his number fast enough! I asked him about the picture. He got silent
and had the nerve to say, “I thought I had those pictures private.” I wanted to
hang up the phone but I wanted him to explain why. Why he couldn’t tell me the
truth prior to going out with him. He said that he was indeed married and he
and his wife were separated. She was in Florida with the little boy. He didn’t
want to be married anymore and felt that if he found someone new, he would have
an excuse to divorce her. He gave some sob story about her sleeping with his
cousin. Blah, Blah, Blah… I asked him why would you deny your son? That’s
horrible! He said that he felt if I knew the truth, I wouldn’t have went out
with him. He would have been right. But I was blown away by the fact that I
wasn’t even given that choice! I told him that I was glad that I found out the
truth because now I had the choice to leave him alone..which I did!
He was
upset and I was beyond pissed because he took me for a fool. I could never be
stupid for anyone! That’s just not my thing.
If
people really think before they lie, they would see that it hurts only them.
After the person finds out truth, hopefully, they can move on with their lives.
But the liar is stuck dealing with the fact that they don’t have the courage to
tell the whole truth. It’s sad. But if you are really dating with good intentions,
doesn’t it make sense to be upfront? Factor in the “What If”. Do you really
want to be known as a lying dog? If your situation is jacked up, fix it and
then date. Or if it’s a situation you can’t fix, be honest with yourself and
others about it. Maybe that person is willing to deal with your truths and
could possibly work with you to fix the situation. But a liar will never know
that.
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