Why Can't We Be Friends?

Human relationships are a funny thing. Everyone is different in their own special way. As people, we have traits that make us loveable and traits that make us hated, either way we’re all very different.

But what’s to be said for those people who we just simply can’t stand the sight of? And why as people can’t we all just get along? This blog isn’t a quote from some book or webpage, it’s simply from my POV.

I think everyone has something that they love about themselves (trait, looks, talent, etc..) but we all have something about ourselves that we don’t like. Whether or not we can or want to change it is something different. At times I wonder, if other people can see the nagging, over dramatic, judgmental person that I really am. And if they can see that, does that make them dislike me, or better yet can’t stand the sight of me? Or does my positive qualities outweigh my negative side?

I feel that an individual’s past or current life can be a large factor in why they behave the way that they do. We all know at least one Bitter Betty or Debbie Downer. These people seem to be less likely to have friends, a spouse or maybe even a family.  They always lead the pack of other miserable people like them or they are always alone (but mostly misery loves company). These people have a tendency to make the lives of others miserable. The people that tend to be “happy” or “upbeat” seem to always be their prime victims.

But I think there is nothing worse than having to work with, be in a relationship with, or friends with a person like this.

The Co-Worker: Venomous, Hateful, Wakes up cross, Comes into work and puts forth a extra special effort to rain on the parade for everyone 

 

What This Person Typically Does: This is a very special case. This is a person who is downright UNHAPPY! They are either control freaks, have lost control, can’t handle being told NO, has no life of their own or scoffs at the happiness and success of others. This person is most likely always the ringleader of foolishness, lies and rumors in the office. They get a fix from simply “stirring the pot”. The fact that they created a mountain out of a mole hill makes them feel victorious and in control. Why?? Because they are in control of something! They may not be in control of their homes, marriages, children, money, habits, friends, etc.. but they are in control of wicked behavior and making others feel small. So in essence, this person is a situation starter who is a grown up version of a BULLY!

 

The Spouse: Nagging, Bitter, Lacks the ability to let the past go, Has no team player skills, Uncooperative, Selfish, Self Centered, Loves to blame others

 

Wakes up looking for ways to make their spouse miserable. Tends to waste time arguing over trivial matters but never focuses on real issues (probably because he/she or is at fault). Finds him/herself complaining to friends or family member about how bad the relationship is instead of working on fixing the problems. This kind of man or woman almost always blames the other person for their lack of success or abundant failures (IT’S YOUR DAMN FAULT!!) This phrase is thrown around far more than thanks babe. Ask useless questions about past relationships or still communicates with his/her old flames. When a task that involves both parties, there is little or no motivation to assist. For example, the wife goes grocery shopping (the husband benefits from this food) and the husband makes no effort to help take bags out of the car or doesn’t help put the food away. This man clearly lacks the motivation to cooperate with his wife.

 

The Friend: Hater, Dream Stealer, Situation Starter, Carry the Bone within conflicting issues, Loves to see you down, Posted and waiting for your weakest Moment

 

What This Person Typically Does: This kind of person is different and truly a confused soul. They can party and have a good time with you, sit and cry with you and within the same breath go behind your back and run your good name through the mud! Even at times will turn other people against you just for the hell of it. Hates to see you happy and will intentionally throw in a cliffhanger when you mention your good luck (ex: Girl, I heard he was gay). These kind of people lack the ability to be happy for other because they are so unhappy and can’t stand to see others succeed. Crab in the bucket syndrome.

 

 

How Can I Deal With These People??

 

Simply ignore them! Why allow a miserable person to rent space in your head and heart? The more you associate with this type of person the more likely you are to become just like them. You may be asking yourself, how is it possible to distance myself from the negative co-worker, spouse and friend? Here’s how to grab the bull by the horns!

 

The Co-Worker: Because we don’t live in a perfect world and the thorn in your side isn’t just magically removed, you’re going to have to face the problem head on. Fight fire with fire. When I say this by no means do I mean stoop to their level. If this person is causing problems (that involve you directly) approach them. I’ve seen this approach go nowhere fast. And when your positive efforts are ignored and the problems persist, don’t be afraid to take it upper management. After all, this is how you pay your bills. This person most likely will always keep their job and will play the victim when questioned about their behavior. State the facts and explain how their behavior effects your ability to perform your duties at work. Companies don’t care about your emotional state of mind. And frankly, nobody really cares about “hurt feelings”. Feelings don’t factor in at the end of the day. Just stay professional and this person will soon become a non-factor.

 

The Friend: Simply put, with friends like this, who the heck needs enemies?! You can always find another friend. Drop this person like a bad habit. If they can’t be happy for you and with you, then why do you need them around? However, I don’t mean a friend who keeps it real, because there is indeed a difference. A friend who is honest with you even when it hurts is a keeper. For example, you’re out shopping and trying on clothes, you think this dress looks stunning on you but in reality you look like a bag of nickels. Your friend kindly says, “Girl, this is not for you!”. Don’t come out of a bag on her. She’s doing you a favor and saving you from a lot of ugly looks from men at the club..LOL..but seriously. You don’t need an entourage of negative energy around you just to say that you have “friends”.  Learn to fly solo. If you aren’t happy alone then you can’t be happy with others. Period!

 

The Spouse: Love is a funny thing. When your heart is involved, the last thing on your mind is a breakup. So why encourage that? Sit and talk with your mate. Explain how their lack of input and  help effects your everyday life. If your mate doesn’t feel your grievance is valid then you might have to make a choice. Sadly enough, you can’t live your life with a person who is never on the same page as you. If you feel like you’re moving upward and they are moving backward, you might need to evaluate your relationship and the likely hood of things changing for the better. Life is clearly about advancement and your spouse should be on the same page as you. If he/she truly loves you, then the changes should be easy. Just stick it out and approach the situation with a plan.