I was
having this conversation with a dear friend about getting married. Marriage is
God’s arrangement for men and women. It’s as natural as breathing air. In the
modern day society and Western culture, we glamorize married as a display of
wealth and beauty. Hollywood surely doesn’t take marriage seriously. The tabloids
ooze with stories of infidelity and 72 hour marriages. One can’t help but think
that this is indeed a game of love and seduction.
My
friend’s problem: She mentioned to me
that one of her friends is getting married and the future bride and groom are
truly one big joke! She doesn’t fully support the union and doesn’t want to be
in the wedding. The relationship is
drowning in problems and despite the protest of friends and family, they insist
on getting married next year. Maybe if
they really look at themselves and review their overall relationship, they
would be able to clearly see what the problems are. I think every couple should
seek counseling prior to getting married. And this couple really need a helping
hand. My question to my friend was, “Did they really think the relationship
through?”
But in
reality, do “normal” people really think things through before they transition
into the world of marital bliss? Here are some things that should be at the top
of your conversation list with the bride or groom to be:
1.
Have we secured a place to live that we both like?
2.
Are we financially able to provide for each
other? (Yes! I said each other. The economy is failing and this is a valid
issue.)
3. What are
our plans for a family? (Just because you are married doesn’t mean
you need or should have children. Some couples are not on the same page with
this topic. It is vital to practice family planning and utilize the tools (i.e.
birth control) until both parties are ready to be parents.)
4. What is
his/her level of love for me? (When I say level, I mean degree of love.
How high or how low will he/she go for you? Will this person be willing to take
care of you in your old age? A good gauge is to see how this person behaves
around children and elderly people. Trust me on this one!)
5.
Does the opinion of others (ex. Parents,
friends, etc..) effect our relationship?
What are
some reasons why two people shouldn’t be married?
1. A
history of violence.
Violence is a very serious topic. Countless
women and men are killed everyday due to domestic violence. But the fact that the
other person knew that he/she was “ heavy handed” prior to marriage is what is
most confusing. If you are aware of this person’s past or they have been
violent with you, there is no reason to think that this behavior will change.
Look at it this way, bad grass doesn’t die, but it chokes out everything around
it. You’re not the exception to the rule.
2. Lack of finance.
Love doesn’t pay the bills. Most people aren’t
rich but it does take financial means to run a household. And the lack of money
can cause marital problems down the road. A woman should never assume that her
future husband doesn’t want her to work. That is a serious decision and should
be discussed and weighed out with the pros and cons. The same goes for a man (some
men don’t want to work but ladies PLEASE stay away from the unemployed men…they
are never an option).
3. Not
fully supporting each other.
This not only involves money but emotional
support, spiritual support and physical support. If a person isn’t standing by
your side during the courtship, what would make you think he/she will after the
wedding? Emotional, physical and spiritual support are free and should come
easy the man/woman who really loves you. If the person is begging off when it
comes to supporting you then it’s probably not a wise idea to marry them.
4. Not
willing to make positive changes for each other.
Fact is, as married people your lives will
always be changing. Being flexible is key. If the woman is not worth you looking
for a better job, then you probably shouldn’t ruin her life with your last
name..LOL
Being “in
love” is usually the reason why people tie the knot. But there are many more
reasons why people everyday are making such a big step.
1. Convenience
The excuse of knowing a person all my life
comes into play. I don’t want to date someone new or being too lazy to try. But
in the back of your mind you know it won’t last. Remember, everything that
glitters isn’t always gold.
2. Money
Perhaps one the parties involved comes from a
family of wealth and means and the other person views this union as an opportunity
to work less (or not at all) and have security.
3. Children
Many couples have children that were born out
of their relationship, and as parents both parties want what’s best for the
child(ren). Instead of thinking about 20 years from now when Junior has grown
up and no longer lives in the house, you’re main focus is on the here and now.
My theory is if the love just isn’t there, then why complicate the situation
with a license to drive each other crazy?!
Life
just simply isn’t a fairytale. Things don’t ever go as we plan. Using common
sense and caution is very important in making this very serious and life
changing decision. Remember, you have made a vow before God that you will be
with this person forever (death or the end of the world), this man/woman is
your mate for life. Damn! I get scared saying that..LOL
Good
Luck!
LOVED IT!!!
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