I am a 26 (about to be 27) year old single mom with a great job and a very simple life. No frills, just really basic. Believe it or not I like the no frills approach.

My life has evolved over the years and I’ve learned some very valuable lessons about friendship, love and life in general. I’m not the most optimistic person and that’s not really my fault. I think it has a lot to do with my past and with taking strides to look beyond it. In all honesty, I can be a bit cynical. Over positive people can be refreshing but I can’t be around them too long with wanting to scream..LOL I have this thing with people that aren’t tapped into reality. It drives me up the wall!!! But to each his own. I’m somewhere in between and my point of view has no room for rose colored glasses. So let’s just keep it real.

This blog is a bit of a diary and therapy for me. Life is a journey with lots of twist and turns. Granted, we are all imperfect and have flaws. So more than others. But the best way to change is to recognize the flaw, work to make the changes and keep on going. It’s life, we can’t help that. I personally have never been Miss Perfection like some people. I don’t want to be Miss Perfection because I feel my imperfections make me who I am. Yes, I do need to make some changes. Nothing major, just some lifestyle changes. But I guess everyone does.

But I really I want to discuss the pitfalls in dating. Broad subject I know. But this is from my personal perspective. I’m in my late 20’s (God! It really hurt to say that..LOL) so I’ve dated all sorts, just never out of my race but I’m working on that. Throughout the years, I’ve dated men as young as 22 and as old as 44. Every man is different, but some things never change. I can’t speak for all black men, but for the most part the issues remain the same. Too many kids and “baby mama’s”, no job, criminal history, drug user, lack of commitment, no drive, chronic liar, honey…the list goes on and on!!!

But the thing that burns me up the most is the fact that being honest is probably one of the worst problems they face.

                                                      The Advice

Here’s a bit of advice for the brothers out there who refuse to hang up their “Players Card”

 If you can tell lie without blinking, something is very wrong. Lying about marital status, how many kids you have, how much money you make, where you work or who you live with are all unnecessary lies and you’re wasting the woman’s time. If you aren’t interested in the woman just say it! Don’t make up excuses for why you can’t go out, or have the woman waiting around for you. Time is money! Fact is, she could just as simply be out with someone else instead of you! Trust, you’re not her only option.

Being cheap is another road block to love. I feel that the cost for dating is expensive. But if she’s worth it, you shouldn't try to avoid spending money. If two people are consistently dating (and I stress “consistently”) it should be understood that taking turns on paying for the dates is fair. But if you’re a brother who doesn’t work, and you know you’re broke as Cooter Brown..PLEASE DO NOT ASK A WOMAN OUT!!!! Don’t offer to take her out and expect her to spend her money on you. 99.9% of the time, she’s going to leave you standing there. I’ve done it before..so believe it..it can happen to you. I think some men have a lot of nerve to contact a lady (a working woman at that) to ask her to go out and not have any money. Trippin’!!!!

Let’s talk about kids. I have a seven year old daughter and no I’ve never been married, so yes, I have a “baby daddy”. But the difference is that he’s like my best friend. We hangout and do things with our kid together. I want him to be happy cause he’s a great guy. Just not the great guy for me. So I can honestly say that I’m blessed beyond comprehension. But some people aren’t in that kind of situation. I’ve heard stories of men and women who have messed up dramatic baby daddy/mama situations. But I think it’s unfair for a person who knows that their ex is crazy as hell to complicate another person’s life with their bad choice. I recently went out with a man who has multiple kids and multiple baby mama’s. I want to know why he chose to have all those kids and not have ever married either woman. He never gave a real explanation. I don’t think people consider their future when they make those kind of choices. Don’t get me wrong, children are a blessing. But the failure is in who you choose to have them with. Multiple women and one man will NEVER work. Everyone is fighting for the attention of that one man.  And the icing on the cake is the new lady in his life is stuck hanging in the balance trying to find out where she fits in. Unfair.com

                             Bringing It All Together

                       

With my own analyses, I’m understanding what I don’t want to deal with in my relationships. I’m not as mellow as some woman are but I do demand the person to step correct. I have love to give and I don’t want to waste my time with drama and lies.  I pride myself on living a drama free life and I know that no one has a perfect life but at least iron out the issues then seek a mate. Don’t welcome happiness into your misery.